Did you know the Orient Express had the nickname “Spies’ Express“? Look I know the Orient Express doesn’t exist anymore but here’s my fellow travelers on the night train from Sofia to Istanbul, ranked by how definitely they were spies:

The guy who stood in the corridor looking out the windows for ages: if he was a spy he wasn’t very subtle. Probably just wanted to stand for a bit. Or is that what he wanted us to think? Ultimately, he’s the least spy-like of the passengers.

The South American couple who asked me to swap compartments with one of them so they could travel together: hah, a likely excuse. No doubt there was some nefarious reason to have me further away from the toilets.

The conductor: had us all writing our names on a sheet of paper. Clearly a tactic to gain information; only worked because he was wearing a uniform.

The guy in my compartment who appeared to know my name even though I never told it to him: yeah, 100% spy.*

*if you’re wondering, it’s because he filled in the piece of paper with everyone’s names on it after me. There’s no gdpr on Turkish trains I guess.